Nanowrimo/Fear

My house it engulfed with a frenzy of writing this month. My Dh and my children are busy participating in National Novel writers Month. They are so excited as their word count grows and their stories come to life. I on the other hand am content to hear about their stories, encourage them and read their offerings. Why ? because I am afraid.

So there it is. I am afraid to write. I have been afraid of it for a very long time. I feel not up to it. Like the words just fall there in an uninspired way. I have convinced myself that I just do not like to write, but really I am afraid to do it badly. I have a husband, children, a good friend who write so eloquently. They bring imagination to life and illuminate the ordinary. My words just, well don't. It is not that I have nothing to say - as thoes who know me can attest - I have no problem expressing myself with the spoken word. I think the fear comes from the pressure I put on myself. If it is written it should be important, eloquent and have a meaning worth reading. Okay even as I write that it sounds silly, but it is truly what I often feel. I am working on this fear and one of the things I have realized is that it is okay not to write. It does not make me less intelligent. It does not make my great pleasure in reading less enjoyable. It just means that this thing is not where I am focusing. I do not have to be jealous or envious of another's ability. God has given me my own gifts and I need to recognize those. It is okay to write competently and not be a wordsmith. I do not need to write a novel and I do not need to like writing stories but I do need to not be afraid of sharing what I love, what I cherish and about my faith in our glorious God.

So what this means is I hope to have more posts that I have worried less over.